How to Hold Yourself when Talking to Girls

August 25, 2010 1 comment

Body language is one of the most important factors to a successful approach.

There are many schools of thought on what is good body language. Value and style has a lot to do with how successful you will be when starting a conversation. But there are definitive body language aspects that should be followed (or avoided) when starting a conversation with a girl you’re trying to get.

There are lots of theories that may or may not affect how well you go when trying to get a particular girl. Open body language such as open palms, showing the insides of your elbows and pointing your feet to someone show signs of interest and that you are open to a conversation.

Some say these are not good initially because they show too much interest, so showing disinterest initially is a better approach. Disinterest can be shown by talking over your shoulder and leaning back. You can then change your body language during the conversation to show interest once you feel she is attracted to you.

Others say you should display confidence by taking up space. Sitting with your legs spread out or your feet wide apart show you are not afraid to take up space thus displaying confidence.

All these techniques work to some degree. They are also very difficult to remember and calibrate on the spot. Understanding these concepts and applying them effectively is an advanced activity.

What I will outline in this article, are some basic MUST do’s and MUST do not’s. These are 100% important no matter what the situation or what your style and are better for beginners to focus on.

Don’t Come Across as Creepy or Weird

This sounds obvious, but it’s surprising how many people can come across as creepy just with their body language. Signs that you are creepy include lingering around or following a girl down the street, in a bar or shop for a long period of time. Stuff like having your tongue sticking out, making weird snickering noises, putting your finger in weird places or touching your private parts. All these come across as creepy activities.

Don’t Come Across as Threatening

This applies in particular to the bigger of us. If you weigh more than 80k, fat or muscle, you are much bigger than the majority of girls. Think about your size difference. They are not able to protect themselves physically and this may bring up an evolutionary survival mechanism called fear. Not what you want. Girls you are trying to get may feel threatened if you invade their personal space. Don’t get too close. Also, making fast, forceful movements may trigger fear as may making threatening faces. Don’t do this. It’s a sure fire way to kill a conversation.

Make sure to Make Eye Contact

Make sure to look at a girl you are trying to get in the eyes when you’re talking to her (in fact, you should do this with everyone in every conversation). Don’t stare like a creepy, threatening stalker. But you should be looking her in the eyes at least 50% of the time you are in conversation. It’s better to look her in the eyes when she is talking, this shows you are listening. Then break away when you start talking, and re focus on her eyes every time you want to emphasise a point.

Smile

Smile guys. A smile will never do you harm. People like happy people. It uses fewer muscles to smile than to frown. A smile brightens the day. Smile smile smile. Don’t go all maniacal like the Joker from Batman but a small smile when talking, then a smile when you get positive response will do wonders to make you seem friendly, non-threatening or creepy. When you smile at someone, it’s very hard for them to not smile back. And smiling releases positive chemicals. Basically there are 100 reasons why you should smile and zero why you shouldn’t. So do it.

Keep on getting the girls!

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